There are several reasons why we have less interest in sex. This can also simply be fatigue from work, but sometimes it is physical disorders that ruin your sex life. Some examples are discussed.
Not tonight, honey
There are hundreds of reasons why you sometimes feel ‘less in the mood’ than usual. If you don’t feel good, your sexual hunger switches off, that much is clear. And as soon as hormonal disturbances are involved (menstruation, pregnancy, menopause), this will certainly have repercussions on your love life. Your mood is at zero, and you don’t immediately feel like having fun. You don’t have much reason to panic in those cases: you just have to wait until the shape is back. Antidepressants and antihypertensives provide the same aphrodisiac effect. They can indirectly affect your hormone balance and thus your sexual desires.
But the main reason for lack of pleasure is an unsatisfactory relationship. Because what goes wrong in a relationship cannot be made up for in bed. If trust in the relationship and each other disappears, if there is no longer talk, then you cannot continue sexually. And conversely, a hopeless sex life not only nips all excitement in the bud, but also calls the relationship itself into question. First aid for withering desires is a good conversation. Clear guidelines about what you like and what he likes can eliminate a lot of rusty dissatisfaction in an instant. You discover your own body and that of your partner – perhaps even for the first time – and before you know it you have a brand new, vibrant relationship. However, if you and your partner cannot solve the problem together, it is better to discuss it with your doctor. They will then refer you to a therapist.
If a man has difficulty maintaining an erection, it is worthwhile to investigate why. Now the step to the doctor is not obvious for everyone. Some couples have often silently accepted the whims of their master for months – even years – before discussing it outside the bed. However, the cause is usually relatively easy to detect.
Older men often assume that not being able to maintain an erection is just part of life. No one retains the condition of a young athlete for life, but in the majority of cases a link can be made to a physical or other culprit. The doctor will first inquire about the patient’s medical history and lifestyle. Diabetes, high blood pressure, too much cholesterol: they can all have a negative impact on blood circulation. Heavy smokers and drinkers also do not have the best chance of problem-free circulation in the long term.
The flaccidity of the penis is influenced by both the circulatory system and the nervous system. If the mechanism that blocks blood flow to cause the penis to swell fails, then the man has a problem. After all, his erection often doesn’t even last long enough to finish what he started. The cause is a poor condition of the blocking organs (veins, erectile tissue, skin of the penis, buttock muscles) or of the blood supply itself.
But there can also be an extracorporeal culprit. If it turns out that the erectile dysfunction is related to the man’s medication use, it is usually sufficient to switch to other medication.
Sore breasts, it doesn’t have to be anything abnormal. Halfway through the cycle, your breasts are hypersensitive and even the slightest touch is painful. Your hormonal household is turned upside down, and you must have known it. After ovulation, the mammary glands develop due to the increased supply of estrogen and progesterone. This can be measured by the tension and sensitivity of your breasts. Pregnant women are also familiar with the phenomenon: together with the other changes in their body, their breasts start to tighten. Childbirth does not immediately bring salvation, on the contrary. The breasts, bursting with milk, are, if possible, even more tense, almost painful. But in that case the problem is obviously temporary.
The clitoris can best be compared to a mini glans. It is covered with nerves and veins, and, just like the penis, it can be stimulated into a kind of erection. The nerve supply of the small lump guarantees a significant share of the woman’s sexual pleasure. However, in some women the clitoris is so sensitive that direct touch is intolerable. That in itself does not have to be a problem. If the partner is made aware of the sensitivity, he can also take it into account. Sometimes these women have vaginal orgasms earlier. These are rare, but more intense. So if you have a hypersensitive clitoris, you and your partner should try other methods of pleasurable sex.
Abdominal pain during/after sex
Some women experience vague pain in the lower abdomen during sex. Pain that can continue afterwards. A gynecological examination is certainly recommended in their case, if only because this type of abdominal pain more often than not has an innocent cause. For example, it could be an infection or cyst formation on the ovaries, or an inflammation of the uterine lining. The treatment for each of these conditions is simple. So under no circumstances should you postpone a consultation with your gynecologist any longer. This way you prevent complications and you will regain your sexual pleasure in no time.
But abdominal pain does not always have to announce a clinical picture. It sometimes happens that the uterus is relatively low, and the uterine wall is hit during deep penetration. This can cause a slightly unpleasant feeling, without really exceeding the pain threshold.
In practice, many couples wait six weeks, until after the follow-up check, and in any case until the wounds have completely healed. Of course, everything depends on how you feel. If you continue to experience pain, consult your doctor. You may still have a wound or one of the stitches may have been left behind. Breastfeeding can provide an additional dampener on the pleasure you regain. After all, the vagina remains drier, which certainly does not make an already painful intercourse any easier. Add to that the tiring care for the newborn, which demands you completely day and night, and you would be surprised that during those first weeks there are women who have sex at all. However, do not let the situation get out of hand. If you don’t explain, it will be difficult for your partner to estimate what exactly is going on. Make sure you can always come to each other for a big hug and a hearty chat.
An unexpected consequence of childbirth is the reduced elasticity of the pelvic floor muscles. As a result, both partners lose some of their previous sexual pleasure, especially in the beginning. So the key is to exercise your muscles immediately after giving birth, and the good news is that you can do it anywhere and anytime. You tense the muscles in your vagina as if you were holding in your pee. Continuously alternate tension and relaxation of the muscles. No one sees it: no more empty moments. In traffic jams, on the phone, during The Bold and the Beautiful: from now on you can work on your sexual fitness if you feel like it.
Let’s face it: uncontrolled, spontaneous erections at night are not a problem. You don’t have to go to the doctor for them – on the contrary: they are living proof of excellent erectile health. A man gets an erection when he becomes sexually aroused, but also during a certain phase of his night’s sleep. It is generated by male hormones produced by the pituitary gland. The pituitary gland is an appendage of the brain whose function does not completely shut down during sleep, which explains automatic erections.
Impotent after prostate surgery
In a small percentage of patients, prostate surgery leads to urinary incontinence or loss of potency. In principle, the prostate has no part in the mechanism of erection. The operation itself does not cause impotence: the blood flow and nerve supply to the genitals are not affected. It is the ejaculation – and not the erection – that fails. The orgasm is there, the ejaculation is not. Often because the semen disappears back into the bladder instead of out of the penis.
If the couple is not told about this during the operation, then the dry orgasm is quite alarming. The fact that he no longer recognizes his physical reactions can cause temporary impotence. Because that is precisely where you often find the cause of impotence after an intervention: in the man’s uncertainty and fear of no longer being able to lead a normal sex life.
If the orgasm does not occur
A strict upbringing and the associated feelings of guilt are often presented as major orgasm chasers. And of course you have to have discovered your own body to some extent to know how it works. An orgasm cannot be forced. You have to create the perfect conditions, so to speak, to coax it out of its shell. Your sexual desires, your partner’s success in responding to your wishes, how he pleases you and how long you want him to do what he does. So the remedy is simple: make it clear to your partner what you want – that will eliminate a lot of orgasm disorders. Furthermore, it is estimated that one in three achieves an orgasm only through clitoral stimulation. So experiment a lot: before, during and after sex. Find out together how your clitoris is best stimulated: it is the only way to rule out real orgasm disorders. If you are sure about the factors of emotional life and technology, you can look for other spoilsports: use of medication, general health, pain during sex…
It sometimes happens that orgasm disorders arise shortly after childbirth or as a result of a traumatic incident (divorce, death,…). And often it is those women who apparently have everything in their lives under control who show this physical reaction. They are afraid of losing that control and therefore do not simply surrender, not even in bed.
It is not given to everyone, but for some women the orgasm is actually accompanied by an ejaculation. At their peak, they lose fluid that can be compared to their partner’s clique. A woman’s orgasmic discharge is colorless and odorless, and its origin is quite obscured. The source could be found near the G-spot, and the person who knows how to locate that evocative point is not yet born. Mystery trumps, then. There is no reason to panic under any circumstances: it is not dangerous. If the wet feeling bothers you a bit, an honest explanation is still your best option. Your partner is probably flattered too. After all, you can’t provide him with better proof of your pleasure.
The IUD is the spoilsport
It is rare for the IUD to interfere with normal sexual relations, but the complaint is voiced – usually by the man. The wires would irritate, even though they are made of flexible material and can hardly be felt. The gynecologist can trim them a bit, but wires that are too short do not make them any more flexible and can only worsen the irritation. If the woman is the one who is bothered by the IUD, it is worth having the doctor rule out whether the irritation is due to an inflammation. Unpleasant side effects of an IUD for some women include increased blood loss and more pain during menstruation. It also happens that wearing an IUD can cause fallopian tube inflammation, resulting in an increased risk of infertility.
Insatiable / Bluebeard
Where is the line between healthy sexual interest and obsessive behavior? Don’t expect an answer: each of us has our own parameters. And what you like might fill your girlfriend with horror. As long as your man’s insatiable hunger continues to excite you, there is no problem. It is generally assumed that the man likes it more often than his wife. He would have understood it more in terms of the physical; some affection is enough for her. A man can want a woman without being in love with her, a woman cannot, so to speak. Nonsense, of course: women have – thank you, Mad Minas! – have long since caught up. The headache excuse (Not tonight, honey) is no longer a female prerogative.
So there is certainly no such thing as a ‘normal frequency. While some couples do it once a week, others are more likely to identify with the every second day pattern, and so on. In any case, let us put an end to the Bluebeard stories that men like to spread. If a man does it several times in a row, he is part of the very elite clique that has an almost non-existent break (due to being physically exhausted). This limitless potential occurs almost exclusively in young, sporty snakes, whose constitution hardly needs time to recover.
The Great Prohibition
If foreplay is too brief, the vagina can remain dry and therefore cause pain during intercourse. If you as a woman do not feel like
having sex, your body language usually leaves nothing to be desired in terms of clarity. See the lack of excitement as a signal : look for what is wrong. Are frictions in your relationship the cause, are you going through a difficult period, does your job demand the best part of yourself? If you have already recognized your situation, it is important to seek the ideal therapy as quickly as possible – if your sex life is dear to you. A treatment shows you how both partners can learn to enjoy each other again. So you take a step back and rediscover each other’s stimulation spots.
If the link with your emotional life is not immediately made, it is best to consult your doctor. Certain contraceptive pills (with a higher dose of progestins than others, for example), and some medications reduce your libido. In those cases, another pill or change in medication will provide relief. If you can assume that your problem is not emotionally determined, then a lubricant can eliminate the pain factor, pending a satisfactory diagnosis. Also keep in mind that excessive intimate hygiene (too often and with aggressive means) often plays a role here.
Women in menopause are familiar with the feeling of dryness. The ovaries secrete less and less hormonal substances (estrogen and progesterone), until they eventually stop altogether. Your doctor can immediately prescribe a hormone preparation that will give nature – and your active life – a helping hand.
Some women get a bladder infection after every intercourse. They have to urinate constantly, and the act of urination itself is painful. This form of bladder infection is called honeymoon cystitis , because of its common cause: frequent sexual contacts that irritate and inflame the urethra. An obvious way to avoid the honeymoon blues is to pee immediately after sex. This way, bacteria are immediately flushed from the urethra. Good hygiene – for both partners – can also prevent a lot of harm.
Now, a frequently recurring bladder infection is not always associated with an active sex life. In some women, the complaints occur every time after sexual contact, and then disappear again after a day or two. The cause here can be an infection, often due to chlamydia, a sexually transmitted disease that must absolutely be combated with a course of antibiotics. The doctor diagnoses chlamydia on the basis of a smear. He will prescribe antibiotics to both partners, even if the partner has no complaints yet. If he does not do this, there is a chance that the couple will continue to transmit the infection to each other. However, an intimate spray or bath oil that is too aggressive can also give you an infection in the bladder. Stopping its use will bring relief here.
The only thing wrong with premature ejaculation is the timing. The man has no control over the moment of climax: ejaculation occurs before both partners have had the chance to fully enjoy themselves. Too early: for some men already during foreplay, for others during or shortly after penetration, in any case many – especially young – men know what it is about. A reassurance: the cause of the problem is not a physical deficiency. Moreover, the treatment is simple and almost always successful.
The cause of precocious ejaculation is in most cases purely psychological. The man loses control somewhere. Due to an overwhelming desire, it is then automatically accepted. But in a relationship with problems, his quickie betrays the – often unconscious – urge to get it over with as quickly as possible. Before you know it, a man’s premature ejaculation becomes a real stumbling block. He feels powerless, and his partner feels frustrated about the unfinished lovemaking. So talking is once again a good start if you don’t want to let the problem get out of hand. Going to the doctor together is the next step. Through simple exercises you will learn to determine the moment of the orgasm. After a few practices, the feeling of procrastination becomes a habit without having to apply special help techniques.