It varies greatly from couple to couple when the rut will strike, but everyone has to deal with it at some point. On average, people experience a rut after a relationship of seven to eleven years. A rut is something you have to recognize together in order to work on it together. Love should be a two-way street and it doesn’t have to take a lot of time or money, just a little effort. You can read more about this in this article.
What is a rut?
A rut is described in the dictionary as a ‘thoughtlessly followed habit’. A rut not only occurs in relationships, but it can also happen to you at work, for example. You become so used to something that you feel it no longer offers a challenge and often little is done to make it a challenge again. After a while there comes a kind of feeling of inadequacy and/or boredom, this is the rut. You are stuck in a certain pattern or habits, but you can break this together.
How do you recognize a rut?
- have no plans to do business together
- do the same thing every day
- no longer make an effort for each other
- reduced libido
- little talking
- you miss that person when he/she is not there, but when he/she comes home the other person doesn’t notice anything
- spending little time together, even when you are both at home
These are some characteristics that can occur, but you mainly feel a rut after a while. While the other person may have no idea that you feel like you are in a rut.
Do things together and separately
For example, agree to do something together one evening a week; salsa dancing, for example, is a good way to reconnect in a fun way. However, it is also good if both have a separate hobby, so that they have something new and more to say when they see each other at home. What happens every day at work is not a special topic for discussion every day. Also talk openly with each other about how things are going and what the other person thinks about working on it together.
Don’t be too free
Some people regard burping and farting as a relationship where anything is possible, but once this creeps in it is difficult to stop doing it. You don’t initially burp and fart right next to someone you’re in love with, so why now? Try to keep yourself as attractive as possible to your partner and don’t flop on the couch in your sweatpants every day after work. Treat yourself to new clothes and show that you shine and how beautiful you can look.
Do something different
Make sure you do something together every now and then, this outing doesn’t have to be expensive to make it special. Trips could include:
- forest/beach walk
- to the cinema
- to the theater
- to skate
It provides new material for conversation, you see each other in a different light and perhaps an unexpected laugh.
It would be even better if you do things you wouldn’t expect, laughing is healthy and adrenaline brings back the tension. So you can do the following things together:
- skid course
- laserquesting
- skydiving
- attend a workshop
Another choice could be to go away together for a weekend every now and then, so that you don’t have to do anything that you normally do every day.
Surprise each other
You will speak to each other again in the evening, so why would you send a text message? Well, simply because it never happens, the other person will be pleasantly surprised when he/she receives a loving message. Other tips to surprise each other are:
- make the house romantic with candles and make dinner for two
- take over a household task that the other person normally does
- write a love letter
- buy a small gift unexpectedly
This also shows that you really want to make an effort for each other, that you are willing to do something for each other. After all, you won his/her heart at the time, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to do anything anymore. Curl up against each other again, by starting to cuddle you will remember how nice it can be and it will happen more often.